Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Pray. Dear Father, we absolutely need your presence.
[00:00:07] We need your spirit.
[00:00:09] We need for you to stir up within us a spirit of truth so that we may know what is true, but walk in it as well. Father, in a topic like we're talking about today, we absolutely lean onto all of your wisdom and your knowledge. And we pray that, Lord, you can pour forth your goodness into our relationships, into our marriages, into many other aspects of our lives. I pray that we can do all things and always to bring glory and honor to you.
[00:00:43] And, Father, I pray that once again, Lord, that you would be at work, that you would be at work through many people in this room, that you will be at work through many people watching online, that you will be at work through even the people that are going to be watching this at a later date. Let, Lord, you will stir something in them that will produce the good that you want to do through them.
[00:01:03] So bless them, oh, Lord. Bless us today, oh, Lord.
[00:01:07] We lean onto you once again. We need you and we depend on you. It's in your son's perfect and wonderful name. Jesus is whom we pray. Amen, Amen, and amen. Well, good morning, Christ Church. How are we feeling this morning? Feeling good?
[00:01:24] Yeah, baby. I am so happy to have you guys. If this is your first time here, my name is Javon. They needed a preacher today, so they asked me to preach. And no, I get the opportunity to serve as the campus pastor here at our old Brooklyn campus. And today we're going to be continuing and going further and getting closer to finishing our Sunday summer sermon series. I'll try to say that fast. Our summer sermon series through the book of Ephesians. We are in Ephesians 5. We're going to be finishing up today. We got one more chapter, guys. Just five more weeks. But no, I'm so good. But we got. We got one more chapter. And today we're going to enter into and talking about a topic that for many of us, it may excite us, but for a lot of us, it could, how could I say, bring a lot of tension and a lot of frustration in our lives. And particularly, I'm talking about marriage.
[00:02:27] I'm talking about marriage.
[00:02:29] Now, I know for a lot of you, you're kind of maybe telling yourself, well, today was not a good day to come to church.
[00:02:36] Believe me. Imagine preparing for this sermon.
[00:02:39] But wherever you are in your life, I want you to know this speaks to every single ear in this room.
[00:02:47] Right? No matter your status today, no matter what's going on in your life, this speaks to every single ear in the room. And I believe that if we draw near and we understand kind of what. What, what God wants to speak on this particular topic, it can bring much blessing and much good fruit and much joy and endurance within our.
[00:03:10] I have a friend that I work out with at the gym. Him and I will meet up and work out with one another. And him and his fiance, or his wife, I would say, is now his wife, they're buying a new home, and they're building a home, and they're excited for their new home. And, you know, and every time we meet, he always brings up, you know, all the things that he wants to do to his house, right? He wants to talk about the kitchen, and he wants to talk about finishing the basement, and he wants to talk about the garage and making out a man cave. He's just so, so excited for the house, and he talks about it every single day. He's all excited for what it's going to look like and how he's going to enjoy it as well. I find it interesting, you know, what I've never heard him say out of all of our conversations about the house? I can't wait till they pour the foundation.
[00:04:05] Never heard him say that. He's never said. He never came up to me and said, hey, I wonder what they're gonna do when it comes to pouring the foundation. When it comes to the house, he's interested on what makes the house, right? But I've never heard him talk about what actually holds the house.
[00:04:22] He's interested in all the beauty and all the things and all the stuff that he's going to do and whatnot. But.
[00:04:31] But little does he realize, or little do a lot of us realize, he kind of overlooks the thing that actually sustains all of that. And the same can be true when it comes to relationships, when it comes to dating, and when it comes to marriages.
[00:04:46] See, for a lot of us, we spend a lot of time thinking about what we want our marriage to look like, right? What we want our relationship to look like or what we want it to have.
[00:04:56] And we all kind of, in the commonality, want the same things. Communication, intimacy, partnership, happiness.
[00:05:06] All of that. All of those things are good. But here's the reality. And many married people in this room today will understand what I'm saying. Here's the reality. Every marriage will experience this thing called weight.
[00:05:21] The weight of something.
[00:05:23] Tension.
[00:05:24] The tension of disappointment, the tension of frustration, the tension of annoyance, the tension of disagreements, the tension of. There's some seasons where you Feel close.
[00:05:38] And then there's some seasons where you just feel distant. And the question now becomes, it's not, does your marriage have all the things that you want? The better question is, is your marriage built on something that is enough to carry you when the tension and the weight shows up not about what your marriage has, but what it's built on.
[00:06:02] And so what Paul's going to do and Paul's going to talk about is the reality of marriage, its foundation, its function, its formation, all of those things and its reflection and all of that. And Paul is going to help us to understand what, from God's point of view, how relationships, marriage and dating should be approached. Right? And particularly he talks about marriage and he wants us to understand this. A purpose filled marriage is built on Christ, shaped by Christ, meant to reflect Christ, a purpose filled marriage. See, the goal is not just to have a good.
[00:06:46] Can I just tell you right now, you can have a good marriage and not be a Christian, but a purpose filled marriage, that's different.
[00:06:54] That's a difference. It's a whole different thing. And in order to have a purpose filled marriage, it begins by honoring God's design, God's order. Right? Right. In a purpose filled marriage, it's meant to do these things. It's meant to be built on Christ, it's meant to be built, shaped by Christ and it's meant to reflect Jesus Christ. And again, I believe this message is timely because for a lot of us, for a lot of us. And I want to speak to every person in this room as much as I can. For a lot of us, this topic, again, it feels timely because your marriage is struggling.
[00:07:33] Your marriage is struggling, right? It's been years and you don't feel the joy like you once felt.
[00:07:42] It's been some time and there's been some disconnection, there's been some miscommunication. Maybe for some of you, this topic brings up a lot of, again, tension because some of us have experienced what we would call disappointment of marriage.
[00:08:00] Some of us have been in a season of divorce and singleness and walking through that is tough. There's a desire for that connection again. But then you're just kind of scared and you're kind of worried and a little fearful of what that intimacy, what that connection would look like if you move forward in that. So some of you, there are a lot of you that are just, you're just, you're waiting to find that person.
[00:08:27] You're waiting to find that one. And I want you to understand this. Wherever you are.
[00:08:32] And wherever you've been, just know that our hope is ultimately Jesus Christ, that our hope is ultimately in Christ and in Christ alone. And what Paul's going to help shape for us today is how we are to approach our relationships, our dating, our marriages. But we do it with one focus, and that's on Christ himself. So let's go ahead and break down these verses. I want to give again a breakdown, and I want to help explain what's being elaborated on here. Again, no matter where you are, whether you're a teenager in the room or whether you're someone you've been married for 30, 40 years in the room, right? This is going to be relevant for all of us. And here's what Paul starts off by saying. And this is very important. Look at verse 21. Super important, super important. You ready? Here we go again. We're in Ephesians. This is the latter part of Ephesians. This is the application part. This is the part where Paul is saying, you're a Christian, okay? Now, walk like one, live like one, think like one, talk like one. And now treat each other as you say that you are a Christian. And look at what he says in verse 21. He says this. Submitting to one another in the fear of Christ. Let me stop there real quick, because the rest of the verses are shaped by this verse. I've always been told in Bible school, when I was in Bible school early on, there is no verse that should be read in isolation, right? Everything flows together. The reason why I want you to understand is because this is what we would call a command, an imperative. Paul is saying, hey, submit to one another.
[00:10:14] Notice, it's a universal call, women and men submitting to one another.
[00:10:24] Right? Right. Submitting to one another. Right? Now, when it comes to how we are to do that, Paul's going to get into that. But notice this. And notice this purpose and this purpose alone, that there is mutuality when it comes to this.
[00:10:39] There isn't. One does it while the other just sits back.
[00:10:43] No, in marriage, right, it is two people submitting to one another. Now, this word submission, and I want you to think about it in this way, this word submission, Think about it as, you know, think about your job. For some of you, you have a job, and when you took on that job, you were willing to order yourself in a way that serves the purpose that is greater than yourself, that serves a purpose that is greater than yourself. It is going under someone's authority, someone else's order, someone else's purpose. And it's meant to elevate that something that is greater than yourself.
[00:11:24] Right. I can't walk into my job tomorrow and say, I'm just gonna make it about me. Right. I'll be filling out a job application the next day.
[00:11:33] Right. No, what am I doing? I'm going under someone else's authority. And I'm willingly. Listen to that word. Listen to that verbiage. I'm willingly.
[00:11:45] I'm deciding to serve something greater than me.
[00:11:52] Paul says both parties are meant to do the same thing.
[00:11:56] Both parties are meant to have that same approach. And notice the word submission is a choice.
[00:12:04] Is a choice. And when I think about that, I think about just marriage as a whole. So much of a healthy marriage comes down to choices.
[00:12:14] Remember last week I talked about that behind every decision, attached to every decision is a destination.
[00:12:21] Remember I talked about that? Yes, Pastor, we listen to every sermon you talk about. Yes. You remember.
[00:12:25] Right? Right. And so much of marriage.
[00:12:29] Right. That reality becomes very clear.
[00:12:32] Right? Right. Because so much of healthy marriages comes down to decisions. Right. Cause eventually, and this is for some folks in this room today, and if you're engaged or you're dating or whatnot, I want you to hear the wisdom that I. That I kind of bring to the table. I'm a young pup in the game, but I got a little bit of wisdom. You know, there comes to a point where feelings will eventually fade.
[00:12:58] Right.
[00:12:59] The honeymoon phases.
[00:13:01] It ends pretty quick.
[00:13:03] Right. And then it comes to this point where you can't base your marriage off feelings. You have to base your marriage off choices.
[00:13:13] It's the choice to listen rather than defend.
[00:13:19] It's the choice to honor even when you're frustrated. Now, that's the hard part.
[00:13:26] Right? Because I'm the type of person I love trying to justify why I believe what I believe.
[00:13:34] And can I tell you, that has gotten me in trouble.
[00:13:37] And sleeping in the boys room more and more.
[00:13:41] Right? Right.
[00:13:43] It's the choice to. It's the choice to. It's choosing faithfulness, even when you feel disconnected. It's choosing forgiveness, even when you've been hurt.
[00:13:55] And here's the one thing I want you to know. Paul's gonna make this very clear. Marriage is about commitment, not convenience.
[00:14:05] Marriage is about commitment. Every time that I do a wedding, and I have five more to do before the end of the year, I've already done a bunch this year. And every time I sit with a couple and I've done some of your weddings in this room today, and every time I sit with a couple, I Always tell them one thing, honor the ring.
[00:14:25] Not the actual physical ring itself, but honor the commitment.
[00:14:32] Honor the commitment you are making. Because marriage, it's built. It's about commitment, not convenience. See, convenience says this.
[00:14:42] I'll do it when I feel like it.
[00:14:46] That's what convenience is.
[00:14:48] I'll do it when it makes sense to me, when it aligns with what I believe and what I think is right.
[00:14:57] But commitment says, I'll do whatever requires faithfulness. I'll do whatever requires me to be consistent. I'll do whatever requires me to honor. I will do. But Paul says, it's very interesting. He says, submit to one another out of fear of Christ. Some of your translations may say out of reverence for Christ. Now, it doesn't mean to be scared of Jesus or to hide from Jesus. It means this. It means to honor Jesus. Why? But so here's what Paul's trying to say. And I just want to say this very clear.
[00:15:33] Listen. Honoring each other is an outflow of us honoring Jesus Christ, right? Continually to honor your spouse.
[00:15:47] It comes from you choosing to continually honor Jesus first, which means this. The whole life of marriage is to be ordered towards the faithfulness of Christ.
[00:16:02] It's meant to be ordered around the faithfulness of Christ. You wanna know kind of where marriages begin to drift? You wanna know where the dating begins to drift. You wanna know where relationships begin to drift. And when things begin to become toxic is when the person puts themself at the center of the relationship.
[00:16:20] And Paul says this, Paul says, here's what really the marriage should be functioned as it's self at the center. It's not even putting your spouse at the center. It's putting Jesus at the center.
[00:16:34] It's putting Christ at the center.
[00:16:37] It's putting him and saying, my commitment to her, my commitment to him is because of my commitment to Christ and Christ alone. Because a marriage that makes it about Jesus looks like Jesus.
[00:16:53] A marriage that makes it about Christ, not makes it about preference, not makes it about what you desire and what you want. No, you are willingly submitting and humbly coming underneath the person of Jesus so you can serve this person Jesus gave to you.
[00:17:12] Because a marriage that puts Christ at the center begins to look more like Jesus, begins to look more like Jesus.
[00:17:21] And that's what Paul wants us to understand. But here's the truth though, right? Here's the truth. Marriage, it takes grit.
[00:17:31] Dating, it takes grit. Think about it, think about it. Two broken people coming together, trying to love one another.
[00:17:40] That's hard, right? Two people who come from two different backgrounds, who. Who have different languages of how they understand the world, who have different approaches to money, who have different approaches to family, who have different approaches to culture and all of that. Now they're coming together, and Paul is going to help us to understand that in order to have unity, there must be humility.
[00:18:08] There must be humility coming together.
[00:18:11] But it takes grit.
[00:18:14] Because again, there's gonna be times where in marriage, you're gonna feel unhappy and you're gonna feel disappointed, you're gonna feel overlooked and you're gonna feel unappreciated. There's gonna be moments and times like that when that does happen. And I want you to understand this. That doesn't necessarily mean there's evidence that the marriage is failing. But really, those can be places where God begins exposing what he wants to form in your heart. Because, friends, can I tell you right now, God does some of his best work in you in marriage.
[00:18:48] Can I just tell you right now, God does some of his best work in you in marriage.
[00:18:55] Right? So I have seen the most growth in my life. I've been married. I've been with my wife for. We're celebrating. I can't remember, but. But I've been with my wife.
[00:19:05] We're celebrating something, but for a long time. I just know that.
[00:19:11] But the one thing that I've noticed in our time together is that the greatest work I've seen God do in my life is with my wife.
[00:19:22] Not because I always had happy moments, because I've had moments where it reminded me in areas of my life where I don't look like Jesus. And I need to more and more. You know what marriage exposed in me?
[00:19:37] Just how impatient I am.
[00:19:41] You know what marriage exposed in me?
[00:19:44] Just how. You ready for this word? I know you love it, and I'm gonna say it. Selfish. I am.
[00:19:51] Right.
[00:19:53] It's just how selfish I am. I love to make it about me, what I want. How come. And you know, also, marriage showed me. Marriage showed me that I get. I can't. I can. I can hold on to grudge. I can easily hold onto grudges longer than I should.
[00:20:10] Right. God does some of his greatest work in marriage.
[00:20:16] It's a sanctifying work.
[00:20:19] That's. And I want you to see you when you. Whether you have a spouse or you're waiting for that person, for that spouse, or whatever that situation in your life may be, just know that God will use it as a means of this thing called sanctification.
[00:20:35] It's this thing called Growing you more and more. Right? A Christ centered marriage. It begins when two people, two broken people come to Jesus and say, we need you so that we can serve each other.
[00:20:50] Right? Right. Because you all. Have you ever heard somebody say, you know, marriage isn't about finding the right person, but about being the right person?
[00:21:01] Paul would elevate that. Paul would say, marriage isn't about finding the right person. It's about being a Christ centered person.
[00:21:11] It's about being a Christ centered person.
[00:21:13] That's what Paul would say. It's about being Christ focused, Christ humbling, yielding, seeking more and more. Because you cannot consistently pour the character of Jesus in your marriage, you are continually disconnected from Christ in your life.
[00:21:32] And I want to speak to the people who are single in the room today because I don't want you to feel left out. For those who are single in the room today, I want you to know, maybe your singleness is due to divorce. Maybe your singleness is due to choice. Maybe your singleness is due to just misfortune. Whatever it may be. I want you to understand this. And I remember hearing this at a conference years and years ago, your singleness define you, Jesus Christ does.
[00:21:58] The ultimate measure of your life isn't the person you're with, but it's the Savior that you know.
[00:22:05] I need you to understand that you're single in your room if you're single in the room today. And that's kind of the road you planned that you feel like God has you on. I need you to understand that there is a myth that thinks every Christian needs to get married. That is not the case.
[00:22:21] For some of you, it might just be, you know what? I'm gonna do all that God has called me to do, and I'm gonna live this way and I'm gonna honor God in this way. The apostle Paul was a man that was not married. Peter was married. That we read, we learned that Peter was married. Right? Had a spouse. We learned that Paul did not.
[00:22:44] Right?
[00:22:45] Right.
[00:22:47] I remember this thing growing up. It was always this thing. The most important thing was growing up, getting education and getting married. Right?
[00:22:54] Those are like the top two things. And we were kind of pressured in that. But single people, I want you to know, if you are in a season where you are seeking marriage, I want to encourage you the attraction. Be attracted to the person who is seeking Jesus like you be attracted to someone who loves God right? Now, don't get me wrong, all the other things matter.
[00:23:21] Right? Those things are important.
[00:23:23] But seek the one who is seeking Jesus with You who is seeking Christ with you.
[00:23:32] Paul wants us to understand this very truth. And this is something that I want to just throw in before we move on.
[00:23:39] And I need you to understand this. This is why a Christ centered, focused marriage matters. For those who are in the room, married couples, whether you're struggling, whether you're new, whether you've been in the game for 10 years, 15 years, 20 years, 30 years, wherever you may be, here's the one thing I want you to know, and this is something that I've added. A Christ centered marriage doesn't just bless the union, it blesses the people around the union as well.
[00:24:02] Can I just keep that on the screen for them, please? This is so, so important. This is not to add pressure, but this is to help you to understand your commitment to the other.
[00:24:14] Right?
[00:24:15] It impacts the culture that you're around.
[00:24:19] Because how many of us, how many of us can admit we grew up around dysfunctional marriages and much of that dysfunction rubbed off on us?
[00:24:31] Right? Right. You learned how to handle conflict through dysfunction. You learned how to handle disagreement through dysfunction. You held onto grudges because you saw dysfunction. And I want you to understand this. Husbands and wives, your children, your family, they're watching.
[00:24:49] Husbands, listen to me.
[00:24:51] The way you treat your wife in front of your children matters.
[00:24:56] What you say to them, how you speak to them, whether you're frustrated and man, I'm making it about you today.
[00:25:03] If you're frustrated, if you're angry, whatever it may be, friends, I want you to understand this. That little boy or that little girl, it will eventually shape the man and the woman that they become.
[00:25:14] It doesn't just our marriages, it isn't just Christ said the marriage doesn't just bless the union, it blesses the children around it as well.
[00:25:25] It blesses them as well. Right? Children learn honor and forgiveness and endurance. They learn what it looks like through, through the partnership of one another.
[00:25:34] Friends get to see faithfulness modeled more and more struggling couples. There are many of them, there are a few of them struggling couples. They watch others consistently pursue Jesus together more and more. Because marriage isn't just so much what God does in your marriage, but also what God does through your marriage as well.
[00:25:59] It's not so much just what God does in it, but how God blesses what God wants to do through it also.
[00:26:07] So Paul says, hey, a Christ centered marriage, Christ centered relationship. Make it about Jesus, don't make it about self. Don't even make it about your partner. Make it about Jesus. Because if you make it about Jesus, you serve them more effectively, you'll love them more. Consent.
[00:26:24] Not that you'll be perfect, but you'll be faithful.
[00:26:28] But you remain faithful, right?
[00:26:31] Making Christ the center of it all. But then Paul gives us a little bit more of the function of marriage, I guess you can say. And it begins in verse 22. Now, remember, keep verse 21 in your head.
[00:26:46] Submit to one another. It's what, universal. So I don't want you to read this verse and think, well, that seems a little bit unfair. Paul already established, right, what he wanted to say before, and now he's kind of breaking it down for individual parties. Look at what he says in verse 22. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Now, what is this not saying?
[00:27:11] Remember that because there have been people in the past that have used this passage and weaponized it, right? There have been people in the past who have, I would say, with ill, demonic intentions have used this to make women feel less valuable and inferior, right? Listen, in marriage, everyone's on equal standing ground.
[00:27:33] Everyone bears the image of Christ.
[00:27:36] Everyone is heirs of grace.
[00:27:40] Both parties are right. So when Paul talks about women submitting, right?
[00:27:47] And then he gets into this part, he's talking more about women who, again, who posture themselves under their husband's leadership. Now let's continue to read what Paul means by that. Because the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the Church and he is the Savior of the body. Now, as the Church submits to Christ, so also the wives ought to submit to their husbands and everything. But listen to this. He doesn't stop there.
[00:28:14] Husbands, love your wives. Just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her, to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the Word. He did this to present the Church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that. But in holy. But holy and blameless in the same way husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife, loves himself.
[00:28:39] Let's stop there because there's a lot right there. Let's unpack this. Okay? Women submitting to their husbands as the headship. Now, what does this look like? What does this mean? Does that mean women don't have a say in anything in their marriage? Absolutely not.
[00:28:54] Absolutely not.
[00:28:56] Right?
[00:28:58] When it talks about this, this is super important.
[00:29:01] When it talks about leadership or headship, I need you to understand this. Headship means one who takes responsibility of the other.
[00:29:17] And I say that not to soften it, but I say that to emphasize this truth, Husbands, listen to me, men.
[00:29:24] Your wife is not your possession.
[00:29:27] She's a gift from God.
[00:29:32] She's a gift from God.
[00:29:35] We're meant to treasure the gift.
[00:29:40] When Paul says husbands are the lead, their wives or wives are meant to submit to the leadership, that means so for women, what does that mean? It means that it doesn't mean you can never disagree. It just means you just don't dishonor.
[00:29:55] It doesn't mean there won't be moments where there will be tension.
[00:30:03] It's just not having an attitude of contempt.
[00:30:07] Not belittling, not bringing one down, but rather using all the strengths, all the wisdom, all the gifts, all the abilities that God has given you for the good of your spouse. And as she does that, she allows the husband to leave. What does that mean?
[00:30:26] Not that the husband controls his wife, but. But that the husband cherishes his wife, treats her like a crown.
[00:30:35] My kids, I've told you this a hundred times. Every time when we go to the store and they get a toy, they love the toy. They go to bed with the toy, they take a shower with the toy. And listen, they treasure the gift. They love it. They bring it everywhere. They have a responsibility. They don't want anybody to touch it. They don't want anybody to come around it. They don't want anybody to come near it. And what Paul is trying to encourage, encourage us today in the same manner, husbands, you are to take responsibility of your wife. Not to control them, but to deeply cherish them.
[00:31:09] Treat them as someone that is seen, that is valued.
[00:31:15] Now, cherishing your wife, husbands, doesn't mean telling them how good they look all the time. I realize my wife doesn't care about that. You know what my wife cares about? Picking up after myself.
[00:31:30] You know what I realized my wife cares about when I don't put the empty milk carton back into the fridge?
[00:31:39] You know what cherishing my wife looks like? Hey, go ahead and relax. I'll take care of this.
[00:31:49] Go ahead and just have some time to yourself. I got this.
[00:31:55] I'll watch. I'll keep the cat. As matter of fact, I'll make dinner. I'll pick this up. I'll do it.
[00:32:00] Cherishing your wife, it is honoring this person above all else. Women, we're called. You are called to encourage, not discouragement. Husbands, you are called to take responsibility, not dominance.
[00:32:20] Right? Notice that two, the two, they're heading in the same direction. And Paul says this, that neither person has grounds to make marriage about themselves, but rather they say to Themselves.
[00:32:35] However, God has gifted me and wired me. How can I benefit? How can I use all of that for the benefit and the flourishing my spouse so that my marriage can honor God? Because God's design for marriage is intended for the flourishing of the marriage. What's God's design for marriage? God's design is for husbands.
[00:33:02] Love your wives as Jesus loved the church. Notice Paul puts the emphasis on Christ.
[00:33:09] Notice that in everything it goes back to Jesus.
[00:33:13] This isn't willpower. This is look to Jesus, make it about Jesus and look to Jesus.
[00:33:21] What does Paul say? Jesus gave himself for the church.
[00:33:26] He died for the church. The church in the scriptures are known as the bride and the bridegroom. The church is the bride of Christ and Jesus is the bridegroom. Jesus loves the church.
[00:33:38] He loves it. He loved it so much that he died for it in his time and in his role that he cherishes it and that he nourishes it today, now and forever. Christ cares for the church. Husbands are meant to do the same thing. And women are meant to allow their husbands to lead in the capacity where they are feeling they are experiencing the cherishing and nourishing love from another.
[00:34:08] Let me say these couple things before we close.
[00:34:13] Marriage is a gift.
[00:34:18] It's a gift.
[00:34:19] But notice this.
[00:34:21] It's a gift that means this.
[00:34:24] Honor the one who entrusted you one of the greatest things, our lead pastor. Some of you don't know we have a lead. Pastor Dave Collins and him and his wife, they'd been married for some time. And I remember him sitting me down. I was a 24 year old young man. My wife and I were just engaged. And I remember sitting him down, he says, I want you to know this.
[00:34:48] When it comes to your wife, remind yourself this.
[00:34:52] That's God's daughter.
[00:34:57] That's God's daughter.
[00:35:00] And God entrusted you with her.
[00:35:04] God has given you this very special gift.
[00:35:09] Honoring her begins with honoring him first.
[00:35:14] That's what he says. Marriage, it's a gift. But number two, marriage has a goal.
[00:35:21] Marriage has a goal. There's purpose in marriage. And the purpose in marriage isn't about based off my happiness.
[00:35:29] It's based off what causes this marriage to flourish. And it begins with reflecting something greater than ourselves, greater than myself. And that's reflecting Jesus and his commitment to the Father and all that he has accomplished for you and I. And all of that was seen and made evident through the giving and the blessing of the church in which we stand in today.
[00:35:54] And it points beyond. See, marriage points beyond self and More to Christ. Marriage, it has a goal, right? Number three, marriage requires grit.
[00:36:09] You gotta fight.
[00:36:12] And what do you usually gotta fight? It's not about fighting each other.
[00:36:17] It's fighting the impulse inside to make it about yourself.
[00:36:26] It's fighting that urge to always be right.
[00:36:31] It's fighting the urge to just say, they hurt me and I'm gonna hold this against them.
[00:36:38] You gotta fight.
[00:36:39] You gotta press through. You gotta put your head down, as the young kids say. Now, today you gotta put 10 toes in the sand.
[00:36:47] You gotta press forward and you gotta say to yourself, listen, at the end of the day, what I signed up for is this commitment to this person that has been gifted to me, that has been given to me. And I won't let the things spoil the gift that this person is to me.
[00:37:07] You gotta fight.
[00:37:10] You gotta go through some seasons, you gotta go through some times.
[00:37:15] But in those moments, in those times, loving the other person, it will require sacrifice and forgiveness and patience and faithfulness. But also point number four, Ben, you can make your way on up. Point number four, Marriage is sustained by grace.
[00:37:35] Marriage is sustained by grace.
[00:37:39] You want to know how I keep loving, is reminded myself how much I've been loved by a great, great, good father.
[00:37:50] You want to know how I keep forgiving.
[00:37:53] It's reminding myself of the forgiveness Christ has poured in my life.
[00:38:01] You want to remind me how I can continuously be patient is when I look to the patience of God in my life. Thank you, Jesus for being patient with.
[00:38:13] Thank you, Jesus for being merciful to me. And again, we've said this a hundred times in this series, and I'll say it again, followers of Jesus, grace received is now meant to be grace extended.
[00:38:29] We're not just supposed to receive grace, we are meant to extend it as well.
[00:38:35] Build your marriage, build memories, build a family.
[00:38:44] Enjoy one another.
[00:38:47] Listen, if there's things that you're holding onto today, ask the Holy Spirit to soften your heart, because it's not worth it.
[00:39:01] Enjoy each other. Build a life.
[00:39:05] Go on a date night.
[00:39:08] Take time to give each other a compliment, hold hands, even though you might not be that person. See, I'm an affectionate guy. My wife's like, get away from me.
[00:39:23] It's do those things.
[00:39:27] Marriage is meant to be enjoyed.
[00:39:30] Marriage is meant to have its struggle at times, but through it all, build it on Jesus.
[00:39:43] Build it on Christ.
[00:39:46] Because when the struggles show up, there's one who can hold you up.
[00:39:52] And it won't be your, it won't be you, it won't be A feeling.
[00:39:57] It won't be any of those things. It would be the grace and the power of Jesus Christ.
[00:40:03] I can firmly say this today.
[00:40:06] I would not be a man who's still wearing a ring without the grace of Jesus.
[00:40:14] I wouldn't.
[00:40:17] I just wouldn't.
[00:40:19] And I say thank you, Lord, and I need more of that.
[00:40:25] I acknowledge it, but I need it more.
[00:40:28] I want to say a prayer for those in the room today because this is not a message full of hallelujahs. Thank you, Jesus. This is a message of God. What are you doing in my life?
[00:40:39] What are you doing in my heart?
[00:40:42] Let me pray.
[00:40:43] Dear Heavenly Father, I know this message brings a lot of conviction, maybe even some confusion.
[00:40:54] Whatever it may bring, I pray that at the end of the day, it opens the individual towards you, to you.
[00:41:04] There are marriages in this room today, Father, I pray, and your spirit would pour out its special blessing on them.
[00:41:12] I'm not asking for easy moments. I'm asking for moments of intention, endurance, grit and love.
[00:41:19] I'm asking youg would bless these marriages in this room today, bless these marriages that are watching through the screen, that yout would bless them in a way that through the individual, that they may look to youo before they look to the other, that they may submit to youo before they submit to the other, that they may serve youe and love youe and. And seek youk. And all of that they do with you. It would pour out of them and it would pour into the marriage so they can serve their individual more and more. Father, I lift up those who are in a season of singleness.
[00:41:52] It's a scary season.
[00:41:55] There's a season of man like God. Where are you leading? Father, I pray that ultimately, above all, that they would find their ultimate purpose, worth and value in Jesus Christ, the Savior, the Son of God, the living God, the hope of creation.
[00:42:11] I pray that they would find their hope in Him. And I pray that, Lord, that you would guide their steps, that before you bring them the person you've called them to be with, you would first produce in them the person you're called them to be.
[00:42:29] And that person becomes more and more of a reality when their eyes are fixed more and more on their Savior.
[00:42:38] I'm going to pray for those who have been divorced.
[00:42:42] What a hard and difficult season that is.
[00:42:45] It's a scary season. It's a season where they feel like a failure to season, where they felt like they didn't have what it. What it took. But at the end of the day, Father, I pray that they.
[00:42:58] That they would find that in Christ Jesus there is no condemnation.
[00:43:05] That you see them as a son and a daughter, not for their past relationships and what it ended in, but rather that they would be fully convinced that they are approved, that they are seen and they are loved, and that your purpose still present in their lives.
[00:43:28] Bless them, I pray.
[00:43:30] Redeem them, I pray. I pray that they can grieve well.
[00:43:34] I pray that they can serve well. And I pray that they can hope in you as well. Bless us and help us. In Christ's wonderful name, Amen.
